I wandered down the hallway to find AJ and he was nowhere in sight. "I'll go this way, you check downstairs," I said to Nick.
I searched just about every floor and every wing with no luck of finding AJ. My cell phone rang. It was Nick telling me that he found AJ outside.
I took the elevator downstairs and saw Nick standing in the doorway. "You didn't let him get away did you?"
"He's over there," Nick said as he pointed over to the grass where AJ was on his knees and shaking. "I haven't gone over there...I don't know what to say to him."
"Like I do?" I snapped at him.
"You're a woman – you're suppose to be better at this emotional stuff!"
"Okay come with me – I guess I'll think of something."
Nick and I headed over towards AJ when we noticed him look up at the sky and yell "Why are you doing this to me? You can't take them away from me!" AJ must have heard us walking over to him because he suddenly stopped and stood up. "Hey guys," he said as if nothing was happening.

"AJ...they are going to be okay. They have to be," Nick said putting his arm around AJ's shoulder.
AJ turned away from Nick to hide his tears. "I thought I had lost a baby and her before with Steve…but this…I don't know how to deal with this," he cried. "I'm not strong enough for this."
"But you have to be," I said, "for Amber's sake." I reached out for AJ's hand, he took it and we walked back inside of the hospital.

"Where's my baby?" I asked the minute I woke up. I tried to sit up in bed put my head started spinning and I had to lie back down. "Where is he?"
"He's in the neo-natal intensive care," Rhonda answered.
"I want to see him," I said trying once again to get up from my bed.
"You'll get to see him in just a few minutes," Rhonda said pushing me back and stopping my movements. "At least wait until the wheelchair and nurse comes to help you, please."
I stopped struggling half because what she said made sense, half because I was in so much pain from it. Once again I looked around the room and AJ was nowhere in sight. I was pissed now because this was the second time he was nowhere to be found when I needed him. "Where the fuck is my husband? Doesn't he know I need him here for me?"

"Calm down honey he's down in ICU with Tyler. I think he felt someone needed to be there with him," Brian said walking over and placing a comforting hand on mine. I immediately felt bad for being angry with AJ. I was glad that one of us was with Tyler.
The doctor came into the room followed by a nurse and an orderly. "How are you feeling?" he asked walking over to me and feeling my pulse.
I shrugged, "Fine I guess, I just want to see my baby."
"We're going to take you down right now but I think there are a few things you should be aware of before you get there." I braced myself for the worst. "Because of his weight, which is just about four pounds his color will not be like normal babies. He will appear translucent in appearance. He is also hooked up to a lot of machines to help his breathing, monitor his heart and to feed him, but all the wires and tubes hooked up to him can be a shocking sight even when you expect to see them. And don't be surprised that he is under anesthetic. We keep them sedated and restrained so they don't accidentally pull out their IV's and tubes."

The nurse and orderly helped me into the wheelchair and I grabbed Rhonda's hand as I was wheeled through the big double doors that led to the neo-natal ward. As we approached the intensive care unit I finally saw AJ. He was standing at a pay phone obviously talking to someone. His head was bent and laid against the metal side of it. He hung up the phone and looked up to see us coming down the hall. The closer we approached him, the more I took in his appearance. His eyes were red from crying, his shirt corner was wadded where he twists it when he's upset, and his hair was disheveled.

"How is he?" I asked as I wheeled in front of him. He couldn't answer he just looked away but not before I saw a tear roll down his face. I stood up with some help and walked over to the window. Lying inside in an incubation machine was my little son. "Oh my god!" I cried breaking down at the sight of him so small and so helpless. I would have probably slid to the floor if Brian didn't wrap his arms around me to hold me up.

"I can't deal with this," AJ said in a half cry as he turned and ran out of the room.
"What the fuck does he think, that this is a picnic for me?" I asked once again pissed off. "I can't deal with the baby and him!" I said wearily.
"You shouldn't have to," said Kevin who had walked in, in time to see AJ's outburst.
"I'm afraid that you're going to either have to calm yourself down or I'm going to make you go back to your room," the doctor said to me. "This isn't good for you or your baby in there."
"Rhonda…" I said wearily. "I know it seems like I ask you this a lot but will you please go try to talk to him?"
"You know I will honey. You just keep strong and be here for your son."
"I'll go with you," Kevin said with a fatherly look on his face. "Someone needs to smack some sense into that guy and I'm just the one to do it!"

Rhonda's View

Kevin and I went down the hall to try to find AJ. He wasn't anywhere around. "Last time Nick and I found him he was outside," I said to Kevin.
"Well, I guess we should try outside then."
We went outside and looked around. Kevin pointed across the street, "I bet you he's over there."
"Over where?" I asked looking around. "Oh – the bar."
Kevin and I dodged across the street and walked into the smoky bar.
"There," Kevin pointed. AJ was sitting at the bar with two empty shot glasses in front of him and a third one in his hand. There was a brunette sitting next to him with her arm around him. As Kevin and I headed over to AJ, we recognized her.
"What the hell is she doing here?" Kevin asked. AJ just looked up at him.
"We're friends Kevin," Amanda answered. "My friend called me and I'm here to support him."
"You called her?" I asked. AJ didn't even acknowledge that I spoke. "Fucking look at me!! You're wife and child are across the street needing you and you're over here getting drunk with your ex-girlfriend?" I smacked AJ in the back of the head hoping that it would put some sense into him.
"I can't deal with this," AJ mumbled.
"You can't deal with this? How the hell do you think your wife feels?" Kevin yelled. "She's the one who went through this and you're no where to be found."
"I can't deal with this," AJ mumbled again.
"Fuckin' grow up and deal with it," Kevin shouted at AJ. Kevin then grabbed AJ by the back of the shirt and pulled him out of the bar.
"You stay the fuck out of his life," I said to Amanda as I turned and followed Kevin and AJ out of the bar.